Last night, Jeff and I went to see Ringo Starr and His All Star Band. What a great concert. Edgar Winter, Rick Derringer, Gary Wright, Richard Page, Wally Palmar, and Gregg Bissonette made up the band. Classic songs filled the air along with memories of youth. “It Don’t Come Easy”, “Photograph”, “Little Help From My Friends”, not only brought me back in time to my youth, but each song had a message with this new life I now live. “Free Ride,” “Frankenstein,” and “Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo,” reminded me fondly of my ex husband and the days before children while “Broken Wings,” “Kyrie,” “Hang on Sloopy,” “Dreamweaver,” “Talking In Your Sleep,” and “What I Like About You.” all conjured up visuals of my three boys singing along in the car or dancing while listening to the music as I cleaned house.
It amazes me still how powerful and complicated the mind is. Music has always been a very strong part of my life. During the teenage years it was an escape. I would lay on my bed and disappear into the lyrics and beat of a song. As I grew older, music uplifted me, shook my soul, and made me happy. I took this with me throughout my adult life. I embraced songs I remembered from happy times with my parents and siblings, I discovered new music, sang, danced, smiled and even cried to some songs.
Now, music always seems to bring a memory of some sort to my heart. Recently, I was in the grocery store and heard a song that reminded me of Tony. It upset me so much I had to leave without buying a thing. Another time, I heard the same song, smiled, and moved on untouched by the invasion. Othertimes, I have heard the same song and became very melancholy, shed a tear, smiled and continued on with my day with a heavy but happy heart.
Music is a beautiful instrument for the soul It is something you can hear no matter where you are or what you are doing. More often than not, it brings a smile and a connection to people and places that have been an important part of my life. I continue to remain grateful for the gifts in my life and the fact that I am able to cherish such grand memories of my son, especially through something so simple as music.
I have been avoiding writing on this blog, a year is approaching since my families life have changed. I is unspeakable to me that we have survived. I know we must, and life will continue to move forward, but I am having trouble accepting that fact. It seems as if Tony has embedded himself deep into my heart and soul and nothing will touch his presence even for a moment. There is not a waking second that he does not exist in my thoughts.
Last night at the concert was no exception. At one point I actually smelled pickles. YES, pickles! It was as strong as if I opened a jar right there. When I asked my husband if he smelled them, he gave me that look, the one that says, "I want to believe you did, but...". I have no explanation, nor do I want one. Did I imagine it? Possibly. Memories were drowning me. But for a second, I felt that maybe Tony paid me a small visit, as if he wanted me to know it will all be okay, we will all float on, and I will get by with a little help from my friends!
