Yesterday, Brenda turned 27. It is her first birthday since Tony has passed away. I can only imagine what she must be feeling. My loss is unique, I am Tony's mom. There is no pain like a mothers, but that does not lessen the pain and sorrow that a woman whose future was planned with my son and has been brought to a cruel halt. I try hard to recognize this fact with her and my sons. We are all experiencing our personal journey of grief. I missed Tony asking me what I thought of Brenda's gift. Last year Tony was home from school for Brenda's birthday. He was recuperating from what we think was a condition called TTP. We had a nice dinner and made her cake to celebrate. I knew this year would be hard on everyone, but mostly Brenda. I wanted to give her Tony, I wanted her to be happy, relaxed and at peace, what I thought Tony would want for her. They both shared a love of casinos, so I used a deal and booked a room at the nearby Mohegan Sun Casino. David couldn't join us, he had just taken time off of work for a vacation to the x-games and had to work that night, but Dan and Brenda's cousin Jaime joined Jeff, Brenda and I for dinner at Michael Jordans Steakhouse and a night or gambling, fun, memories, laughter and birthday merriment. I also made her a scarf out of Tonys old T-shirts and pockets at the ends from a favorite flannel shirt. It was hard cutting up his shirts, knowing he would never wear them again, but I was comforted by the fact that they may bring warmth, memories and some love to his dear girlfriend and our loved family member Brenda. Happy Birthday Brenda, may the years ahead bring you on a journey of peace and new found adventures. We love you.
The photo below was taken almost 5 years ago at Mohegan Sun on Tonys 21st birthday. He is wearing the shirt that the pockets came from for the scarf.
