This morning, I was jolted awake. I am not sure by what but I remmeber thinking damn, it must only be 2 or 3 in the morning. I was very surprised and somewhat un nerved when I looked at the clock and it was the exact time Brenda had come up to tell us something was wrong with Tony on the 4th of July. I knew I would not be able to go back to sleep. So I sat there for a moment and suddenly I felt a sense of peace, and a feeling as if I was being gently guided to lay back down. I did and slep for another hour or so. I woke not as sad as every other morning, still sad, but somehow peacefully sad. I know our minds our a very powerful tool, and if you want to believe in something, you can make it seem as real as you want. The time I woke up was real, that I cannot deny. The rest, I like to think Tony is guiding me. He was always concerned with my health and mental state and hated to upset me, even if he was good at it!
David and Dan always though Tony was "the favorite". He was my baby, we had a unique bond, He had also inherited a very stuborn, determined, I will do what I want attitude from me which possibly made me go easier on him at times because I understood where he was coming from.
Today is hard with all the 9-11 rememberance going on, I want to scream, my son was no less important, we are all suffering today too. Reality is, my baby is gone in the physical sense of the word but he lives on in all those who knew him and loved him.
I will get through today and the rest of the days, I have to, Tony would not want it any other way.
I will get through today and the rest of the days, I have to, Tony would not want it any other way.
He fills my mind everyday with images and thoughts and my heart with love.
Until I see you again sweetie, be at peace!
Love you always
Mom
