Today is 6 weeks. I wonder if there will be a time when I am not so aware of the number of days that pass. I still find myself in denial at times. I keep hoping he is at school and it has just been too long since he's called or been home. Then at times the harsh reality hits, so hard that I feel as if I have been stabbed. I have also found that as my back heals, I feel guilt for being able to move on with my life. I know I must, I know Tony would want me to. It is a true struggle every minute of every day to just do normal tasks. Distractions are welcome most of the time, but then I struggle with the thought of why should I enjoy myself. Today will be hard, Saturdays I have a habit of playing the day back in my head moment by moment.
I am not sure if it is better to dream about him or not. Each brings about its own disturbing realities. Last night I did not dream about him and woke upset
I am so thankful that I have loving family and goof friends, but I am sorry that for the most part I have been holing up in my living room.
For Tony, I will try very hard to move forward, but I can not promise from moment to moment what to expect or how I will be feeling.
I never thought someone could experience so much pain from a broken heart.
