Bench Dedication and Florida

Last week my family went down to Full Sail School which Tony was a month shy of graduating from before he passed away.  This school meant a great deal to Tony.  He LOVED it and the profession he was learning.  He would get so excited about projects and his future.  Tony's birthday was March 9th.  In honor of his birthday we bought a bench which was dedicated to Tony and placed on the back lot of the school.  This is where the students make their films and spend a big chunk of their time.

 
When we showed up I was only expecting the head of the film department and maybe one or two others to show us where they placed the bench.  Due to the rain, they had the bench placed on a sound stage with some very dramatic lighting and a photo of Tony placed on the seat of the bench.  The room was filled with the entire film department staff and the founder of the school.  I was brought to tears to see how much this meant to the school.  They were kind, sympathetic and shared stories of Tony's days in their classes.

They spoke of Tony and had a moment of silence.  One of Tony's classmates was still in the area and came to document it so he could share it with Tony's other classmates.  After thanking the shool, I asked if I could see where the bench would be placed.  The founder and another gentleman carried the bench, in the rain to its new home.  There are plans to landscape the surroundings around the bench and make it a permanent fixture on the back lot.  It is an amazing thought to know that Tony's memory will be around the school forever and may even end up in a movie or two!

It was a wonderful way for us to honor Tony and his memory on his birthday.  It was a sad, but beautiful event.  I could have stayed and sat on the bench for hours.  The rain had other plans for us.  The school invited me down whenever I want.  I have a feeling I will be visiting again.

I was worried that this trip might be surrounded by a cloud.  It was just the opposite.  We had so much fun as a family.  We crammed so much into a short amount of time.  Animal Kingdom in the rain, a Slueths Murder Mystery Dinner, The Titanic Experience, one of the best dinning experiences I have ever had at The Capital Grille, dueling pianos in our hotel bar, Universal Studios, Gatorland, Old Town, Go-Karts, sushi at Moon Fish, and mini golf. The rain didn't stop us from enjoying ourselves and our canceled flight home gave us to more days with sunshine to create some great memories.

We laughed and sang and enjoyed each others company.  Tony would have been proud.  I missed him so much, at one point I turned around at the elevator and thought "Where's Tony?".  A calm came over me and I knew we were going to be okay, that our love would help us get through the tough times and that no matter what we would always be there for each other.  It is a wonderful feeling to be able to have your family surround each other with unconditional love, support and humor.  Tony, We all love you, miss you and cherish your all. the memories we shared with you.  We will continue to honor your memory with love, laughter and shared stories.

A Visit To Full Sail

A few days ago, my husband and I ventured down to Florida to meet with the wonderful people who work at Full  Sail College. I needed to meet the people that held a memorial service for Tony, that worked so hard to co-ordinate David and Danny being able to accept Tony's diploma in his memory. I wanted to see the man who cried while talking about my son.  These needs were rooted deep within my heart.  I am not sure what I thought would happen but I wanted to thank them in person for caring about my son.
Tony loved his school, his classmates, the teachers and mostly the work.  He worked very hard and found a career that fit him perfectly.  They told us that Tony and Full Sail were a perfect fit.  The premise on which the school ran on suited the no nonsense side of Tony.  We were told how hard Tony worked, how he would just jump right in and was always ready to tackle any project.  We were told that his memorial service was standing room only, that he touched the lives of  so many students positively.  We were also told that Tony's death made some students realize they are not indestructible and that they may re thought the direction their lives were taking them.
As a mom, you always see the "child" side of your sons or daughters.  The "clean your room", "don't bug your brother", "stop ........(you can fill in the blank here)".  You raise your children to the best of your ability hoping that something will sink in, that they will remember the advise you give them and put it to use someday.  I was lucky enough to hear stories from strangers that let me know my son was indeed a fine young man, that he was a caring, supportive friend, trustworthy, honest and decent.  I always knew he was, but the parent-child relationship was still more intertwined than it would have become once he graduated and was living the life he loved.
I feel so gypped that I will not be able to see Tony come into his own, to become a husband, a father, a film maker.  I am fortunate to have many wonderful memories to help me get through the hard times, but it does not bring him back into our lives.  He has left behind a family full of love for him, a girlfriend who thought her life of happily ever after was in front of her and friends who had plans of adventures for the future.
Our trip to Full Sail was good.  It filled a small void for me.  The hours before and after our meeting were hard.  I was torn between wanting to try and have a good time and being haunted by memories of vacations past with the boys.
We did spend a day in St Augustine.  It was a safe place. We had never been there before and it was a beautiful historic town.  Something that the boys would not have been interested in doing.  It was much to tame for their interests.  We did stop on the beach, I love the beach.  It was beautiful.  The skies were blue, the water warm.  However, I was overcome by a flood of memories.  As I picked up seashells images of Tony picking up sea glass in Rhode Island overcame me.  It was as if I were hit with a tidal wave.  A smile came to my face as tears streamed from my eyes.  The salt air mixed well with the salt from my tears.  I continued to pick up shells as I pushed aside this urgency to flee.  I wrote Tony's name in the sand with my toes before leaving.  It was something that needed to be done, even though I felt his presense, I needed to see a visual affirmation that he was with me.
It was a roller coaster few days.  It was good to be away and yet I couldn't wait to get back home.  I know it was a good thing to go.  We will be donating a bench in Tony's memory which the school is going to put on the back lot. There will be another trip, I will need to sit on this bench and feel a part of my son in the field he loved and excelled in.

Today is Tonys Graduation

Today, Full Sail is holding graduation for its film students. Tony was looking forward to this day for two years. He worked, as he would put it, his butt off for this day. The hours and work were crazy. In order to finish four years worth of schooling in two, the schedule was twice as hard. I am thankful that he wanted to come home for every break he had. I missed him so while he was at school and always seemed to be looking forward to finding out when his next small break would be. Some thought I was crazy bringing him home for a few days but that little boy meant the world to me. My life will never be the same without his sarcastic coments, his beautiful smile and those great big hugs. I know I will miss them the most. Ever since he was a baby, he gave the best hugs! David and Dan are accepting his diploma for him today, I wish I was there to share the moment. I am so proud of my boys, all three of them.