A Mothers Journey Through Grief: Happy Birthday To My Tony

Twenty six years ago on a Saturday afternoon during american bandstand, I gave birth to my youngest son. Anthony Michael Brown came into this world March 9th, 1985 in his own unique, stubborn way. After almost ten months of pregnancy and 3 weeks of labor; a nearly ten pound, blue eyed angel stole my heart. After much debate the Dr decided he was to large to have naturally and was going to prep me for a c-section. Well, Tony was not going to have that, when everyone left the room, Tony decided it was time to make his way. A nurse was nearby and yelled for a Dr, Tony had the cord around his neck. Panic set in, no crying to be heard and he was purple. My heart had stopped beating. Then the most beautiful sound, a cry and the Dr telling me he was okay.

Tony proved to be stubborn throughout his life. He liked things his way on his terms and as his nursery school teachers so delicately put it- he was a determined child. A trait that would serve him well as he grew into it. Sadly, I will never get to see the full potential of that determination that had us butting heads during the teenage years. If I had only known, I would have not fought as much about bedtime, homework, curfew, clean rooms, chores and the like. I would have played more, laughed more and if possible, loved more.

Tony lived a life that touched many people. He was a son that with one look could make your heart sing, a brother that with one look would make you laugh, a boyfriend that could drive you crazy while making you happy, a friend, a nephew, a cousin and an uncle. He made many lives better just because he was in them. The world has lost a beautiful heart and I miss him more and more each day. It seems impossible to me that it is his second birthday without us. If you had asked me before July 11, 2009 what would happen to me if a child had died I would have answered, I would also die. Truth be told, a part of me has, but through the strength of family and friends, one foot continues to be put in front of the other, the sun comes up every day and I have vowed to make my life one that will make Tony proud.

I have started a foundation in Tony's memory. It is called The Tony Brown Foundation and is dedicated to helping families through the grieving process by providing events that will move them forward ont his most difficult journey. We will also raise money to proved students of Masuk High Schools and Full Sail University scholarships to further their education.

Fundraisers will revolve around interests of Tonys and happen a few times a year. The ultimate goal is to make the foundation a place for grieving families to gain support, strength, and happiness while feeling safe and move forward with their lives in honor and memory of their child.