Dan's 30th Birthday

Below is a draft I found when I came here to post in what has been a VERY LONG TIME!  I have decided to post this a year after the fact.  The lack of content was not a conscious decision, but rather life became busy, time and efforts were devoted elsewhere and my therapy became the foundation rather than this blog.  I have decided to try and do both!  Wish me luck~

Last year I wrote:

Dan is turning thirty!  I can not believe my middle child is going to me thirty years old.  This brings a huge bag of mixed feelings.  My oldest turned thirty just a few weeks after Tony died.  I was in a back brace from surgery and in shock.  I remember it being a sunny day and how hard it had to be for Dave and Dan.  Celebrating so soon after Tony died.  Tony would not have had it any other way.  I am sure he was right there with us!  Life goes on!

Today, we celebrate Dan!  What an amazing young man he has become.  I still, and always will refer to him as my "middle child".  Sometimes I wonder how he feels, if he now considers himself the youngest.  I have never brought this up to him, but I wonder.  I know Tony is guiding us along, nudging us gently, maybe a bit forcefully sometimes in the direction we should go.  I also know that my boys have a hard time believing this.  I don't blame them, but I hope that one day they will have the strength to let go of the safe and believe in their brother!

I miss Tony even more on these special milestone life events.  I could hear the "old" jokes he would be throwing out.  His quiet, dry humor that always seemed to aggravate and make me laugh.  Tony and Dan were very close.  Dan kept a close eye on his brother, reporting things on a need to know basis to me and keeping many things to himself while trying to guide his younger brother in life.  I felt good know Dan was looking out for Tony. I hope now Tony is looking our for Dan!

Happy Birthday Dan!